


See You Again

by Shinocchi



Category: sweet pool
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Character Study, M/M, Post-Canon, Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 19:35:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8909320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinocchi/pseuds/Shinocchi
Summary: One year after Youji's passing, Tetsuo continues searching for answers and a purpose to live, realizing that the answer he needs has always been by his side after all.| Post-Miracles May (Violin) Ending |





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rocchan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocchan/gifts).



> Happy 8th Anniversary, Sweet Pool! Thank you for being such a marvelous game and thank you for existing! It had been an impactful eight years and more to come! 
> 
> I started writing for this game eight years too late but I guess it's never too late for me to start. Tetsuo & Youji have a special place in my heart and will always be. Crushed me eight years ago, crushed me eight years after, and still grateful for the crushing experience.
> 
> This story is also written for Ro, who's literally another me in another part of the world (honestly, the similarities between us are terrifying to the point of scary lmao) and I'm sure there are some parts in this stories that resonate well with us as well. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend, a wonderful twin, and thank you for bringing joy and inspiration to my life :')

                How does it feel meeting someone that means the world to you? How does it feel having to be able to talk to them, to feel their presence, to just… _know_ them? How does it feel being connected, then disconnected? And how does it feel losing a person you love, having to move on – all by yourself?

                Every memory Tetsuo possessed of Youji felt real – as if he’d never left. Every moment he spent with Youji was intact in every ounce of his skin, his emotions, his subconscious. Some nights, he’d wake up to devastating sorrow that had him closing his eyes, remembering Youji’s voice, his touch, his gentle gestures; everything that meant the world to him. Sometimes, he felt as if he’d never lost him. Youji was always there – he’s _always_ there. Tetsuo was sure of this – his vibe, his presence, everything.

                And each morning, Tetsuo had to wake up to remind himself again that he could no longer live this way. He needed to move on, he needed to keep moving, because that’s what Youji would want to see from him. Youji remained as a memory for him and he’ll always be. There’s no way Tetsuo would ever forget about him. Youji was part of him, he’d always been part of him even when they weren’t aware about it themselves.

                When he returned to the room where they both shared, he found himself staring into space, at spots where Youji used to occupy. He thought he saw hints of him, just to realize that he’d been imagining them. If he was to try hard enough, he thought he was able to hear Youji’s soft ‘Have a safe trip’, and maybe, if he tried _harder_ , he’d be able to feel Youji’s tender touches on his face, the feather-light kiss on his forehead, his cheek, then his lips. Everything he’d ever felt was real; the warmth on his skin was real – Youji was here, with him, like how he’d promised after all.

                So, it’s time to move on, he told himself for the countless times.

                It’s time to live, for both his and Youji’s sake.

                Simply putting on a coat, he draped a scarf around his neck, took one last glance at his room, then paced out of the house, towards the cold winter street.

                Winter wind howled through the desolate marsh, biting on his frozen skin. Bleak grey clouds reflected his mood, thin ice-covered puddles cracked under his boots. The chills seeped through his thick layer of clothing, numbing his skin, his fingers felt thick and stiff from beneath his gloves. He was on his day off today, and if him waking up from a dream of the time he’d shared with Youji was any indication at all, he thought perhaps it’s about time to revisit everything they’d gone through, to break himself off this cage he’d set up for himself, to let go, and to move on.

                He still remembered the route heading towards where he was most familiar with. It was a routine, the same ol’ track he could pace on without needing to consider too much. The road remained the same; nothing changed. He never bothered talking to anyone on his way; it’s too much of a courteous work and he’d prefer to remain unknown. But of course, nothing in his life had ever asked his consent for anything it wanted to do to him. He was born for a fate that wasn’t his, the flow of his life against his own will and all he could do was balance out the idiosyncrasy in him to search for his own definition of normality.

                It was how he found Youji – how he finally seized control of his life, and how it made him feel that he finally had a say in his life.

                White blanketed all the way as he walked, the building he was heading to sticking its features out from amongst tall trees. He stopped at the gate, gazing at the entrance leading into a place far too nostalgic for him. It’s where everything started, where his life took a swift turn, where he found meaning in his existence. It wasn’t a place he was particularly fond of – it gave him life, but it also took it away from him. It led him to Youji, but it also took Youji away from him. It was a tangled of contrasting emotions, of bitter and sweet, but nothing would’ve happened if he hadn’t been here.

                He’d never meet Youji, he’d never be able to understand how being attached to a person felt like – he’d never felt more alive than his entire life could sum up. Despite the loud resounding of his heartbeats in his ears – a gaudy hint of hesitance and perhaps even fear – he stepped into the compound, spoke his intention to the guard (who recognized him in an instance), and walked into the school, a place he hadn’t been visiting for the past year.

                The school was quiet, a good sign of weekend. One step into the lobby had him halting his motion, staring around, the incidences more than a year back flashing past his vision like a vivid reminder. This place still reminded him of the smell of rust, of the colour of red, yet, he remembered the warmth that was Youji’s hand when they fought their way through, determined to rebel fate, to prove fate wrong. He traced the path, reaching where he found the staircase, then taking it up without hesitance. Every morning back then, he’d walk just like he did now, ignoring everyone he passed by, minding his own business. It’s when he walked into the classroom, meeting eyes with Youji that his attention was brought back to him, his reality suddenly dawned upon him. Youji did nothing back then. He merely stared, looking away before Tetsuo could say anything. Perhaps he was intimidated, like how everyone else was. But he knew how Youji had been intimidated by him like how he did Youji, in a way no any other person but themselves could understand.

                He stopped at Youji’s desk, fingers trailing frivolously on the sleek wooden material, reminding himself on how this was where Youji once seated, how he could constantly feel Youji’s searing gaze at the back of his head, probably wondering about the same things as he did. He sat, gazing around, feeling Youji’s point of view as his eyes stopped at his own seat. So this was how Youji had been seeing him, so far, yet so distinct.

                With a light sigh, he stood, walking out of the classroom, his legs brought him instinctively to the staircase at the end of the corridor. The classroom was less terrifying than where he was to head to next. Even when he moved his way up, his footsteps resounded raucously in the quiet space, he still felt chills running along his nerves, remembering the intensity when both him and Youji were fighting against the world, when they could do nothing but depend on each other to prove everyone else wrong.

                Their battle wasn’t an easy one, but it was worth it. Every single conflict they’d gone through together was worth it.

                He opened the door to the rooftop, immediately greeted by cold winter breeze hitting him right on the face. Wrapping his scarf firmer around his neck, he walked towards the edge of the space, staring into a distance.

                This was where they’d made their pact – a promise he was sure both of them would embrace. Here was where he could feel Youji’s vibe the strongest, where he could hear his voice as if he was speaking right next to him, and feel his presence so distinctively vivid as if he was standing right next to him. He looked up, catching sight of the brightening sky, enveloped in conspicuous white that had him closing half of his eyes.

                “Youji…” he whispered. It wasn’t a call; he wasn’t expecting anyone to respond to him. But somehow, the word – the name – slipped from his tongue as if it was the most natural thing for him to do. Somewhere under this sky consisted of something he was looking for. Something, or someone; he wouldn’t know. But somewhere out there held the answer for him to move forward. He didn’t know what it was; losing Youji for a year had put him in a sense of loss, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that moving forward was the only way, the one thing Youji would want to see from him.

                Yet… what was he searching for? Was there anything out there that he should search for? Was there something that he could search for in the first place? Where should he start? Who had the answers to his questions?

                Not here, he concluded. All that was left in this place were memories he could no longer amend, truth that was necessary yet unnecessary.

                With one final glimpse around the place, he left, without stopping elsewhere, treading right out of the school compound.

                Perhaps he needed to try out something different, something stronger. He got onto the train, letting his mind drift as he stared out of the window, wondering. He had absolutely no clue of where he should head to – everywhere was possible for answers to happen, everywhere were places he would never expect himself to revisit. And yet, he stepped out of the train one station before the one where his house was, finding himself pacing on another familiar path again.

                Sometimes, he wondered if this was a weakness of his – being unable to let go of the past, of Youji. But sometimes, he’d like to believe that his hunch was trying to tell him something, something his conscious mind wouldn’t be able to comprehend. So he let his instincts make the decisions. Youji’s house was no longer occupied – it’s vacant and quiet and yet everything in this place still felt very much like Youji that Tetsuo found troubles trying to withstand his own emotions upon stepping into it. The door wasn’t even locked when he turned the knob. Standing in front of this very place reminded him of the time when he faltered in front of Youji’s house, wondering if he’s mad at him, wondering how he could apologize to him, and wondering if it’s even right to exist by his side.

                Youji never invited him to this place. He wondered how different things would be if he was able to set foot into this place as a friend, as someone who’d eventually become closer with Youji across the times when their innate natures weren’t taking over them. He wondered if they would be friends first, then closer, then he’d confess, he’d tell Youji that he liked him.

                He’d tell Youji so many things he never had the chance to tell, even after they’d gotten together, the force of nature acted like a powerful magnet.

                His house still reminded him of Youji as he sat on his bed. He wondered what would Youji do when he was alone in his room. He remembered he liked fishes, that’s why there’s an aquarium in the corner of his room. He remembered the lunch Youji threw away, that means he must have made meals for himself. This was the space where Youji spent the most time in, doing things that was the most common like any other human being did. This was the place of routine – of being human, of fulfilling human’s basic needs.

                It was a place Tetsuo never gotten the chance to spend with Youji, as normal human beings.

                But this wasn’t the place to where he could find his answer. Youji was no longer here. He could no longer tell him how to move on without him. Youji had been his life for the longest time ever, losing him was equivalent to losing himself – perhaps that’s why he’s so lost now. Perhaps, to be able to find himself again, he’d need to find Youji again.

                Was that possible, though? Youji was no longer around. He could never be around again. His life was exchanged for Tetsuo’s. He lived in Tetsuo now, like how he always wanted. Would it be superfluous for Tetsuo to look out for him again? Or would it be better to leave everything behind now that he’d returned to revisit all these moments?

                No, that can’t be it. It couldn’t end like this.

                He didn’t know the answer, but he knew what he wanted. He made a promise with Youji and there’s no way he would forget about it. If Youji intended for him to find him, then he’ll do it. No matter how long it’d take, how much he’d need to sacrifice, he’d do it.

                What’s the hint that Youji had always been giving him? Did he give him any hints in the first place? What are Youji’s favourite food? Favourite time? Favourite place?

                …favourite place?

                His eyes brightening, he rushed towards the station, checked the map and sprung onto the next train.

                It was a promise they’d made. It was a promise he made with himself. If Youji _really_ existed in him now, then fulfilling it was a possibility of its own. He left the train after three stations, heading towards the big building in a distance. He’d never been to an aquarium in his entire life. He was never interested in fishes. But Youji was, for some reason – a question he never got to ask. How many things they’d be able to experience with each other if they were together now? Not only the aquarium, they would even be able to visit the zoo, the restaurant, the mall together. Perhaps they could bring along Erika and Yuuji; they’d be able to spend the time all they wanted without needing to fear that anything would take any of them away.

                Everything would be different if they were ever normal. Everything would be on the right track – there’d be no _osu_ , no _mesu_ , only Tetsuo and Youji and they would be completely fine with that.

                He caught sight of happy couples as he gazed into the blueness of the water, fishes swimming past his gaze like they’re the freest creatures on Earth. He wondered if Youji yearned to feel as free as well, perhaps he had been craving for peace, and to be freed from the heavy chain of destiny he’d been shouldering upon himself out of his own will since birth. Tetsuo felt the burden himself; he understood how it felt to live in a body that didn’t and never will belong to him. That’s why he wanted to share Youji’s burden too, he wanted to ease that weight even if that meant having to put on more load on his own body. None of them deserved any of this, yet, ever since he found Youji, he’d often felt that Youji deserved none of this more than he himself was.

                Seeing the fishes had enlightened him, even just for a bit. He thought he’d finally figured out the reason why Youji had always been so attached to fishes. The glint in his eyes whenever he spoke about them was something Tetsuo had never seen before. He wanted to see more of that – to feel Youji’s enthusiasm and to experience his passion together with him, as one.

                Perhaps he was on the right track, he thought as he walked out of the aquarium. It had started to snow when he returned to the street. As he glanced up at the sky, snowflakes fell on his face, chilling his skin. He wrapped himself firmer, pondering how Youji would look like if he was to cloak him in the same way as he did himself. He must look very adorable. Smiling at the thought, he walked, still wondering to himself – of Youji’s warmth against his palm if they were to walk, hand-in-hand, in this weather and if Youji felt cold wherever he was now.

                Nothing but Youji had been occupying his mind for the entire day. Was this a consequence of him bearing Youji’s soul with him now? To the extent that he could think about nothing but Youji for the entire time? There were so many things he wanted to do with Youji, if only time allowed them, if only fate allowed them. He could never imagine himself living normally after what he’d experienced with Youji.

                Youji was… special. He was the only person Tetsuo would ever want to be related with. He didn’t need much, only Youji.

                He walked thoughtlessly down the street, festive music having no effects whatsoever as they rang by his ears. There was no sense of joviality in his soul now that he was feeling empty, a sense of loneliness that he was sure he wouldn’t have come to know if Youji hadn’t taught him how _not_ to be lonely.

                Laughter around him meant nothing, the warmth he felt when he passed by shops incomparable to how Youji could make him feel.

                At one point of time, he wondered if it’s possible for him to live at all without Youji, without his other half.

                In the end, it was the park that had made him halt his steps. The park was covered in a thick blanket of white, footsteps and paw prints crisscrossed each other around the labyrinth of paths. He found a bench in one corner and sat, cold sensation bristled him the moment he did. There were little to no people in the park, most would’ve sought for indoor heat instead of having to be exposed to the cold like this. But, even when snow fell mercilessly on him, coating his coat and his hair with abundant layer of white, Tetsuo remained seated, suddenly finding peace in the frostiness he was engulfed in. Cold was a trademark of his that he’d been wearing with him for the longest time ever, but Youji saw the spark in the midst of his chilliness – Youji was the one who’d melted the cold in him.

                He wished he could do the same for Youji. He wished he was able to do that before he lost him.

                His thought of line was soon interrupted when he felt a small nudge by his leg, looking down to see a black cat nuzzling its head against his boots.

                “It’s you,” he said faintly, his voice cracked at the end of his words. He didn’t even know how he’d come to recognize the cat at first glance.

                As he stroked the cat, all the cat did was staring at him, licking erratically at his fingers as he smiled. Could cat sense emotions? he wondered. Was this cat trying to comfort him? Sometimes, the cat reminded him of Youji, maybe it was because of its black fur, or maybe it’s its eyes. Sometimes, he felt as if he was staring at Youji when he played with the cat. It made him feel as if Youji never left him with its consistent visits, as if the cat was someone Youji sent over to look after him.

                Youji was a worrywart after all, he’d look after Tetsuo no matter how he’d do it.

                Maybe they would come to adopt this cat if they were given a chance to live together again. Then, they’d be able to finally give it a name, perhaps even spending time together in this park like this, just him, Youji, and the cat.

                So maybe ‘ifs’, so many ‘what ifs’, everything he could do if they were given more time, or even another life. So many regrets and guilt he felt from being able to live but not Youji.

                As he considered, he heard footsteps nearing him. Someone was walking towards him; he couldn’t quite make out who the person was, his face hidden beneath the umbrella. He couldn’t see his face, so all he could do was stare as the man walked closer, doing nothing else but that. Was this person about to ask for direction? Or was he someone he knew? Then, as the man came to stand in front of him, the umbrella was budged to the top of his head, stopping the snow from continue falling on him. His heart picking up speed, his nerves at the verge of exploding. He looked up, into the pair of dark eyes, completely riveted by the gentle smile the man was giving him at that very moment.

                Black eyes, black hair, pale skin, so pale it’s as if it’s melting with the snow.

                He knew this person, but ironically, he didn’t want to believe this to be the truth now.

                Maybe, he wasn’t looking for the answer after all.

                Maybe, the answer was looking for him.

                Maybe, he’s the answer to someone else’s question.

                Someone that meant the world to him.

                “I found you,” the man said, in a voice he loved, his favourite voice in the world.

                Perhaps miracle does exist after all, perhaps hope does exist after all. And perhaps, it was the promise they’d made with each other that was bonding them together – the promise to rebel against fate, against the world. Together.

 


End file.
